I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
