Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
