Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
