the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
