I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
