i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
