$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Boobs are out for the taking
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
