nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
