Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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