Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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