Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
