Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
