Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
