i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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