walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
