I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
