I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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