if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I need water and some morals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
