Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
