oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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