I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
