there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
