Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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