Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
