She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
