But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
