im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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