so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
