When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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