just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel great
I just peed on a car
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
