I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
