I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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