Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
