I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
