If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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