Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Drunk is not a location!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
