We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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