hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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