Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
