Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Randomize
