My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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