My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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