Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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