I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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