You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
