I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Terrible idea I love it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
