Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
