i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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