so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
