similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
