How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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